


bruises

by verotae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Insecure Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, M/M, they both say things they don't mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verotae/pseuds/verotae
Summary: During an argument, Ushijima opens his mouth without thinking, and the crestfallen expression on Oikawa's face will probably forever be engraved in his mind.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 272





	bruises

**Author's Note:**

> this is stupid. this whole thing is stupid. 
> 
> bear in mind that english is like my third language lmao so please be gentle
> 
> my writing garbage, but i still hope y'all enjoy this!
> 
> ALSO I DIDN'T PROOFREAD ASKDLASKD

After high school, although Oikawa kept playing volleyball as a hobby, he conceded and eventually accepted the fact that a career in volleyball was unrealistic for him, so he went and studied to become a nurse. 

Although he and Iwaizumi chose different schools, they still tried to hang out when they were able to. While Oikawa made friends at college and was very social, he still tried to find days for Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi never approved of Oikawa's outgoing personality, because while making friends was important, Iwaizumi knew Oikawa studied like crazy. Every time they met up, Iwaizumi was always met with a tired smile and bags under Oikawa's eyes. 

But trying to argue with Oikawa regarding his habits was like arguing with a wall. 

Through the years of college, - Oikawa, funnily enough, also started seeing Ushijima more. Iwaizumi and Ushijima went to the same college, and coincidentally also roommates. Oikawa was heavily displeased in the beginning. But as the months went by, and Oikawa, therefore, ran into Ushijima more and more, they started becoming friends. The process was, of course, slow, - but once they were there, it all felt extremely natural. By the end of college, Ushijima was scouted for the national volleyball team, and Oikawa graduated and began working as a nurse. 

Ushijima was leaving for Tokyo, and the week before leaving, he confessed to Oikawa.

That was two years ago. They now share an apartment in Tokyo. Oikawa works as a nurse, and Ushijima is a professional volleyball player. During the years of living together, they quickly found out where their personalities clashed. Going to work in the morning and coming home late meant exhaustion and irritation from Oikawa. It didn't help that Ushijima became eerily quiet when he was tired, which heavily challenged Oikawa's patience. 

Early in their relationship, communication was difficult. Ushijima's quiet personality wasn't that much of a problem since as time went by, he became more and more talkative. But with Oikawa's facade, it became apparent that things weren't going to work out if things stayed that way. So Oikawa had to shove his many insecurities away and learn to open up to Ushijima. 

It took time

It took _a lot_ of time. 

But now they are two and a half years in, and Ushijima can safely say that he knows Oikawa pretty well.

Oikawa sometimes can't say the same about Ushijima.

"You're being foolish, Tooru." Ushijima grits out through his teeth.

Oikawa has to laugh, "Oh, am I, now? _Wow_ , Toshi. The fact that you have the _nerve_ to stand here and act like I'm in the wrong really tells me a lot about how little you give a fuck right now," Oikawa is seething. After ten long hours at the hospital, he finally arrives home to their apartment, ready to see his boyfriend and for them to cuddle up in bed so that he can forget about all the bad things in the world.

But he got home to an empty apartment. Again. For the seventh day in a row. Ushijima has apparently found time to go out after their practices for an entire week now. 

Now, Oikawa may have had a problem with being clingy - (Iwaizumi is a witness to that. So is Ushijima.) - but it all bubbles down to the many insecurities that Oikawa has had throughout his life. And although it has definitely gotten better over the years, - he also sometimes crawls back to the same thoughts he had when he was a high schooler.

One of them; the fear of being left. Abandoned. The fear of being an annoyance and not good enough. Being with Ushijima, Oikawa has always felt loved and cared for, even when he might've not deserved to be. Oikawa knows he can be a handful, and it was also the reason he had difficulties opening up in the beginning. But they worked it out. They always do.

Ushijima, who will literally give up anything to be with Oikawa, who will literally rip apart and shred anyone and anything that tries to hurt Oikawa, who will hold Oikawa in his arms when he's feeling down and depressed, who will caress the white lines at the top of Oikawa's thighs and kiss every single one of them.

Ushijima, who apparently, now has better things to do after practice. 

They've gone over this before. Oikawa's paranoia with being left alone. But after the sixth day of going to sleep alone, in an empty bed. As he cries, exhausted and cold, he thinks of how alone he feels. 

He never acknowledges Ushijima when the bed dips and Ushijima wraps an arm around Oikawa's waist. Doesn't peep a word when he presses a kiss to Oikawa's head.

"Goodnight, baby."

There's no answer, and Oikawa looks at the clock on their nightstand. 

_2:04_

Heart clogged in his throat on the seventh day, he opens the door to an empty apartment again.

Rage courses through his body like electricity. The last week has been rough. Oikawa still isn't used to the ruthlessness of working in health care, and the last week it has been exceptionally more exhausting, both mentally and physically. After a week of being tired and feeling alone, he's done being sad. 

He takes off his coat and shoes and throws the keys on the living room table. He stomps through the apartment, gets rid of his work clothes and cleans up. In the shower, tears of frustration run down his face, but as he dries off, he wills himself to stop.

He waits for Ushijima to come home. The time is almost one in the morning before he hears the door open. He stands up the couch in the living room and turns off the TV. He waits as Ushijima takes off his jacket and shoes, and steps into the living room.

Although Ushijima has never been an expressive person, Oikawa can clearly see the surprise in his eyes. Oikawa folds his arms over his chest.

"Oh. I see you're still awake."

Fury ripples through Oikawa's body violently like lightning, and he can't help the bark of laughter that leaves his mouth. Ushijima looks stunned before his eyebrows raise in confusion.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Wakatoshi." he spits. 

Ushijima looks taken aback. Oikawa rarely uses his full name. It's always said in an endearingly silly way, that always makes something blossom in Ushijima's chest.

"Why are you— Tooru, I don't understand, what—"

" _Of course_ you don't, Toshi. Of course, you wouldn't understand. You never seem to do these days. All you understand is your little friends, right? And the clubs you go to, the alcohol you drink, the people you _fuck_ —"

"Whoa, Oikawa, what are you talking about?!" Ushijima looks even more confused now. 

Oikawa scoffs and Ushijima's voice lowers a bit, "Is it about your insecurities? Are you having a difficult time? Do you want me to call Iwaizumi?"

And Oikawa's feels like his heart has been stomped on.

"Wow, Wakatoshi, you can't even have the decency to even act like you care, huh? What, being with me is _so tough_ that you have to call Iwa-chan to deal with me? Wow," He throws up his hands like he can't believe it, and takes a few steps back.

"You know that's not what I meant! Stop putting words in my mouth." 

"Oh, I'm _sure_ you've gotten enough things in your mouth, _haven't you Toshi-kun_?" Oikawa knows he's being petty, but he can't help wanting to poke Ushijima where it hurts. Ushijima has always expressed how important loyalty is to him, "Oh, I'm _sure_ you've had fun on your nights out! Surely enough, to the point where you don't want to come home to your boyfriend. Who has been sleeping alone _every nigh_ t after ten hours of work, only to come home to an empty and cold apartment," Oikawa has stridden up to Ushijima until they're almost nose-to-nose. This is the first time they've been so close face-to-face, Oikawa realizes, in almost a week. "No, you're trying to stay away for as long as you can, because it's _so hard for you. Poor you, with your little, difficult boyfriend._ I'm sure you've had more fun fucking some other little twink you found at the club, right?" Oikawa can see anger and betrayal in Ushijima's eyes, but Oikawa's brain to mouth filter isn't working. 

"You're being foolish, Tooru." Is all Ushijima grits out through his teeth.

Oikawa has to laugh, "Oh, am I, now? _Wow_ , Toshi. The fact that you have the nerve to stand here and act like I'm in the wrong really tells me a lot about how little you give a fuck right now. Tell me Ushi-chan," he lowers his voice, peeking at Ushijima through his eyelashes. "Did he moan your name the same way I do? I bet he did. I bet you fucked him good, rough and _hard_ like you like it. Did he beg you to do it _harder, please, harder,_ " he exaggeratedly moans as he scrapes his nails down Ushijima's clothed chest. Ushijima slaps his hands away and takes a step back.

"God, did it ever occur to you that I never wanted _this_ to begin with? Do you know how difficult it is, being with _you_? This was a fucking mistake and I should have known the second things went further than planned."

It's silent. Everything moves in slow-motion. Ushijima's stomach drops as the realization of what he has said dawns upon him, and Oikawa feels like his heart has been ripped out.

The breathy laugh that Oikawa releases sounds heartbroken and shattered. "Wait, Tooru, no—" Ushijima reaches out, but Oikawa steps back. 

"Don't."

Ushijima looks at Oikawa's face and feels his heart plummet, as the tears roll down his lovers' face. "Don't touch me."

Still shocked by his own words, Ushijima is frozen in place as Oikawa strides to the front door, who puts on his shoes and leaves the apartment. He slams the door shut and Oikawa feels his entire being crumble to the ground.

Oikawa is aware that it's in the middle of the night, and that racing down the highway in a speed that is way above the limit isn't a very good idea. His tears keep forming, blurring his vision, to the point where he has to stop on the side of the road or else he'll probably crash.

Oikawa leans on the steering wheel, his body tremoring with every painful sob that racks through his body. He wails for what feels like hours, his body feeling hollow and empty, his throat sore and scratchy. 

When he lifts his head it's to look at the time on his phone. 

_3:24_

_14 unanswered calls_

_7 unanswered messages_

All from the same person. 

Oikawa leans his head back against the seat and laughs humourlessly. He's distinctly aware that he should probably answer so that Ushijima knows he's okay, but when he goes to his contacts he presses a different name. He waits for the line to be picked up.

A groggy voice, _"Shittykawa?"_

Oikawa feels himself crumble again. "Iwa-chan," he wails, crocodile tears running down his face. It's so painful and he's hyperventilating. Iwaizumi is panicking on the other end.

 _"Tooru? Tooru? Are you alright? Tooru, goddammit!"_ He shouts, the sounds of something rustling in the background. Oikawa suddenly quiets down again, "I'm such an idiot, Iwa-chan," he whispers through the phone.

_"What are you talking about, Tooru?! Where are you, let me pick you up—"_

"He never cared, Iwa-chan. Ushijima never cared." A part of Oikawa knows that's a lie, but it's so easy to believe. It's so easy to believe that everything was a mistake. That Oikawa has always been a burden, a nuisance in Ushijima's life.

_"That bullshit, and you know it, Tooru. Now tell me where you are so that I—"_

"Can I come over, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa wetly whispers. 

Iwaizumi is quiet, _"Of course. Please be careful on your way."_ And honestly, what would Oikawa do without his Iwa-chan?

When Oikawa arrives, he's not prepared for the immediate embrace he's pulled into. The familiarity of the strong arms around his bring a fresh set of tears to his eyes, and he sobs. "Iwa-chan!"

This time, he quite literally crumbles to the floor, and Iwaizumi is there with him. His embrace never lessens as they sit on the floor, and Iwaizumi holds him until his tears no longer fall.

Oikawa sleeps on Iwaizumi's couch. Although the couch isn't that comfortable, Oikawa is so tired that he would probably be able to sleep on the floor, if that was the case. Iwaizumi lets him sleep well into noon, which is way longer than he usually does on his days off. Once he wakes up, Iwaizumi prepares him a cup of tea, and they sit on the couch and watch an episode of FRIENDS.

It's quiet, and Oikawa knows Imaizumi will not prod unless he says something first. 

"He—" his voice cracks, and he feels his face heat up. It's not from embarrassment, though. Oikawa feels Iwaizumi's hand on his knee, his thumb caressing the spot. "He's just— It's just been _so long_ , and he's been gone for so long. I missed him, Iwa-chan. I missed him _so much._ " His throat hurts and in his whispering, his words crack, but Iwaizumi keeps silent. Oikawa doesn't have the energy to cry. He feels numb and hollow. 

"He said that it was a mistake. That we were a mistake." And saying it out loud makes tears spring in his eyes. 

_Huh, maybe he does have some tears left._

Iwaizumi scoots closer and wraps an arm around him. "You know that's not true, Tooru," He presses his lips to his head, "Ushijima loves you. Loves you so much. Believe me, I know." Oikawa chuckles dryly, which brings a smile to Iwaizumi's face. Being Ushijima's roommate for a few years made him victim to seeing Ushijima's pining and crushing for months. Iwaizumi has truly never seen anyone more in love in his life. 

Oikawa explains how the argument went down and what was said, and for a few minutes, it was silent again.

"But... then why would he say that." He whispers sadly. And that's probably his biggest question. If Ushijima really loves him, then why would he say something that would hurt him so badly?

He feels Iwaizumi shrug, "I'm not sure, to be honest. Maybe you both say things you don't mean when you're angry. It happens. You and I have said things we didn't mean." And that's true. Although Oikawa and Iwaizumi have a teasing relationship, they've rarely argued in the course of their fifteen years of friendship. Oikawa can count the number of times they've seriously argued about something on his one hand, but those arguments were absolutely brutal, and both of them don't want to go through that ever again.

"Shittykawa, you both have something amazing, and I'd be a pity if it ended over this. You should talk to him," Oikawa nods, because he knows it's true, but he turns to Iwaizumi, "Can I at least stay for a couple more hours?" and Iwaizumi exaggeratedly rolls his eyes and sighs and Oikawa feels a laugh bubbling in his throat. "Mean, Iwa-chan!" He pokes Iwaizumi's tickling sides, and Iwaizumi pounces on Oikawa, resulting in a tickling fight. 

Quite a sight, as the two twenty-four years olds lay on either side of a couch, panting with tears in their eyes.

Oikawa stays until Iwaizumi physically forces him out his apartment. It's almost eight in the evening, and Iwaizumi throws a "good luck!", from his front door which is followed by a "mean Iwa-chan!" as Oikawa gets into his car. The closer Oikawa gets to the apartment, the more he dreads it. He takes the stairs instead of the elevator because he somehow wants to drag it out until he sees Ushiima again. He's not ready to face him, but he knows he has to. They've been together long enough to know that ignoring one another never ends up well.

As he's standing in front of the door, he contemplates whether or not he should knock.

"Fuck it," he mumbles and opens the door. He almost doesn't have time to comprehend what is happening before he's engulfed in an embrace. Similar, to the way Iwaizumi did, but here he feels an unbearable warmth fill his body, here, Ushijima is fully wrapped around Oikawa's body,

_and Oikawa feels protected._

_He missed this._

He's vaguely aware that Ushijima has started speaking, "—so sorry. I'm so _fucking_ _sorry_ , Tooru. I didn't mean any of it, and I don't know why I said it, but I didn't mean any of it. I regret every word, _I'm so sorry_. I love you so fucking much, I don't know what I would do without you," 

Suddenly the tears appear again. But this time it's from relief, from love.

Oikawa's body shakes and Ushijima pulls away, frantically searching Oikawa's eyes. His hands cup Oikawa's face, "Baby, I'm sorry. Please don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry," and Oikawa cries harder, because, _yes_ , _he knows Ushijima hates when he cries. Ushijima hates when he's sad and hurting. Ushijima loves him._

Ushijima picks him up and carries him to the bathroom to have a shower, and while they're both in the shower, Ushijima is washing Oikawa up, and Oikawa cries, mumbling 'I'm sorry's one after the other, and Ushijima kisses him after every single apology. Once cleaned and dressed again, Oikawa's tears have stopped, and Ushijima pulls them onto the bed. He embraces Oikawa, and Oikawa can't help but sigh. 

"I'm sorry, Tooru," Ushijima whispers into his hair. "The others insisted that we should go out together to bond, and I endured it for as much as I could but I'd rather be here with you. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. You know that's the last things I'd want to do. "

Ushijima pulls away a bit to look Oikawa in the eyes, "I'd do anything for you. I'd give up my life for you, Tooru. I love you, Tooru. So much."

Oikawa smiles, because, "Yeah, I love you too, Toshi-kun." 

He leans into Ushijima again. 

_"So much_."

They work it out. They _always_ do.

**Author's Note:**

> well that was stupid lmao
> 
> if you've reached this far, just know that i really appreciate it!
> 
> it was a lil bit more angsty than what i usually write but i hope y'all liked it! (even though my writing is actual garbage lmaooo)
> 
> <3


End file.
